Skip to main content

An Interview with Andrew Holder

On a bright sunny day in August, I sat down with Andrew Holder to discuss his career. What follows is an excerpt from that interview.

INTERVIEWER: So Andrew--
ANDREW: I'm sorry. I'm going to have to stop you. I prefer to be known as Cookie now.
INTERVIEW: Uh...I hadn't...um...
ANDREW: Check your notes.

The interviewer checked his notes, and learned that Mr. Holder will be appearing as "Cookie" in the new MTV Series "The Real Homosexuals of Narragansett Shore."

ANDREW: I'm the sassy one.
INTERVIEWER: Aren't they all sassy?
ANDREW: Who?
INTERVIEWER: The other homosexuals.
ANDREW: There are OTHERS?
INTERVIEW: Um...
ANDREW: They told me the show was called "Cookie!"

Mr. Holder called his agent while the interviewer ate some Nabisco crackers. After ten minutes, Mr. Holder returned looking frustrated.

ANDREW: I could stab someone.

The interviewer looked down at the knife near his plate, and slowly moved it closer to him and away from Mr. Holder.

INTERVIEWER: When did you know you wanted to be an actor?
ANDREW: I was watching The Wizard of Oz, and I thought to myself--I can belt higher than that black and white bitch!
INTERVIEWER: You mean Judy Garland?
ANDREW: Can we go back to talking about me?
INTERVIEWER: I thought we--
ANDREW: So there I am, starring in the first-ever all-male production of "Get a Load of Sally"--Cole Porter's lost treasure--when should they replace me with?
INTERVIEWER: I don't--
ANDREW: CAROL BURNETT!

. . . . .

ANDREW: Clearly, they went in another direction.
INTERVIEWER: Clearly.
ANDREW: I hop that bitch's ear falls off the next time she tugs on it.
INTERVIEWER: She's an American treasure!
ANDREW: She stole my career! I could have won a Tony for that role!
INTERVIEWER: What was the role?
ANDREW: Sally's grandmother.
INTERVIEWER: Does she have a number?
ANDREW: Seventeen.
INTERVIEWER: I meant a song.
ANDREW: Oh yeah. She sings "Sally, You're a Mess."
INTERVIEWER: Show stopper?
ANDREW: Every night.

. . . . .

INTERVIEWER: Tell me who you love.
ANDREW: Diego Rivera.
INTERVIEWER: The painter?
ANDREW: No, he's this guy from New Bedford I went on a date with once. He never called me back.
INTERVIEWER: And you love him?
ANDREW: I love the idea of him.
INTERVIEWER: And the idea is?
ANDREW: He didn't like me.
INTERVIEWER: Tell me about working with Morgan Freeman.
ANDREW: There's nothing to tell. All he wanted to talk about was his theory on life and acting.
INTERVIEWER: You didn't want to listen?
ANDREW: I was too busy listening to J.Beebs on my IPod.
INTERVIEWER: Moving on...

. . . . .

INTERVIEWER: Let's do word association.
ANDREW: I'm in an off-Broadway show called 'Show Choir.'
INTERVIEWER: What?
ANDREW: I associate words with my current project.
INTERVIEWER: That's, um--okay. Uh...ball.
ANDREW: I'm going to have a ball doing 'Show Choir: The Musical.'
INTERVIEWER: Nasty.
ANDREW: You know who's nasty? Carol Burnett, AND she's not in 'Show Choir: The Musical.'
INTERVIEWER: Amnesia.
ANDREW: When I'm famous I'm going to get amnesia and forget everyone I know that's not famous.
INTERVIEWER: Doesn't this show sound a lot like 'Glee?'
ANDREW: ...No comment.

To Be Continued...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A List of People Who Can Go to Hell Now That I Can't Have Elizabeth Warren

So today was a rough day for everybody who isn't a @#$%-ing #$%hole. Let's just start there. If that upsets you, by all means, go straight to hell. This entire rant is going to be exactly what it sounds like. I am mad and I am going to exercise my right to BLOG ABOUT IT LIKE IT'S 1995, SO BUCKLE UP, BUTTERCUP. I really don't even know where to start, so let's just jump right in with the first person who comes to mind. Bloomberg, go to hell.  You really didn't have anything specific to do with today, but you can just go to hell for spending an ungodly amount of money on literally nothing.  I mean, you could have lit millions of dollars on fire and at least warmed the hands of the homeless, but instead, you made tv stations across the country that are already owned by Conservatives rich, so kudos to you and go to hell. Amy Klobuchar, I STUCK UP FOR YOU AMY.  I got into FIGHTS on SOCIAL MEDIA while DEFENDING your sorry, self-interested ass.  You know ...
42 comments
Read more

Theater and the Outbreak

After last week's interview, a representative from a theater that recently experienced the results of opening too soon reached out to speak with me. I want to thank this person for coming forward in the hopes that it'll change some minds about what's safe and what isn't when it comes to the performing arts. Here's the interview: ME:  So this wasn't a full production or-- THEM:  No. It was us trying to do a little something for friends and donors. ME:  Who is 'us?' THEM:  The board of _____. ME:  And how long have you been on the board? THEM:  Three years. ME:  What was this going to be? THEM:  There's a, uh, beautiful park here in town, and we wanted to do an outdoor performance of a Shakespeare as a benefit, because, as you know, theaters are having a hard time right now paying the bills. We checked with the local government and the health department for the state to make sure we were doing everything the way we needed to in order to keep everyon...
7 comments
Read more

My Favorite Podcasts

During this pandemic, I've finally gotten through most of my podcast backlog, and since a bunch of people were sharing their podcast lists last month, I thought I'd join in. I'm not going to give descriptions of each one, but I'll clarify why some are favorites of mine. 10 Things That Scare Me Adulting - Admittedly I don't really like live episodes of podcasts let alone podcasts that are mostly live, but this one is an exception. Against the Rules with Michael Lewis All Songs Considered Articles of Interest Asian Enough Broken Record The Butterfly Effect with Jon Ronson - No new episodes for awhile, but sooo interesting. Cautionary Tales - Absolutely incredible Code Switch Come Through with Rebecca Carroll - Some of the best interviews you'll hear from the past few months The Daily - I go back and forth on this one because the New York Times is so problematic, but very few podcasts does what this one does as well as it does it Dead Eyes - If you're an actor,...
Post a Comment
Read more