Few subjects can solicit as much debate amongst friends as the age old practice of--
Calling dibs.
TURNER: You can't call dibs on a straight guy!
Where else could this conversation take place?
BRIAN: I disagree.
It was time for lunch with the boys.
Brian liked a guy--a straight guy--that he met out one night with his friend Jen. Jen now wanted to go out with the guy, and Brian felt she was crossing the line.
BRIAN: I liked him first!
TURNER: But he's straight! There's no chance of anything between the two of you!
BRIAN: Oh, but if I were a girl and there wasn't a chance--
TURNER: That would be different.
BRIAN: How would it be different?
TURNER: Because there could never be no chance.
ME: That's a double negative.
SCOOTER: What I ordered?
ME: What he said.
SCOOTER: Oh good, I thought I got the salmon.
Turner argued that there was always a sliver of a chance between a girl and a guy, whereas there is no chance between a straight guy and a gay guy.
SCOOTER: Clearly, somebody never went away to camp.
TURNER: I'm saying, technically, it'll never happen. So you can't call dibs.
SCOOTER: I don't even think you should be able to call dibs.
ME: Like...ever?
SCOOTER: Yeah, like ever.
BRIAN: That's because you don't like any rule that prohibits you from acting like a moral human being.
ME: This from the guy that's CBing one of his girlfriends.
TURNER: Back up, Scooter, you don't believe in dibs at all?
Scooter's philosophy is that if you like someone, and they don't like you, they're fair game--even to your friends.
ME, TURNER, and BRIAN: Nope.
SCOOTER: Come on, you guys. You'd prevent one of your friends from getting with someone just because you happened to see them first?
ME, TURNER, and BRIAN: Yup.
SCOOTER: That's messed up.
ME: Scooter, the reasoning behind that is that a friend is more important than some lousy hook-up.
SCOOTER: First of all, no hook-up involving me is lousy. Second of all, a good friend wouldn't want to stand in the way of your happiness.
TURNER: Okay, that I can get behind.
BRIAN: I can't.
TURNER: Of course, you're standing right ON TOP OF Jen's happiness.
BRIAN: Ugh, I wish I was standing on your--
ME: Time out!
I get the last word, you know, since I'm me.
I take the restaurant approach to this.
If a friend asked me not to go to a particular restaurant, I wouldn't. If I'd never been there before, I wouldn't know what I was missing, so what would be the big deal?
Maybe it's a silly request, but friends are allowed to make silly requests, and you have to respect them.
That's one of the basic building blocks of friendship.
SCOOTER: This from the guy who called dibs all the time in college.
ME: Hey! I was getting the last word!
BRIAN: It's true though. You told us you always called dibs.
ME: That's because I was the only OUT guy in college. You don't get to call dibs from inside a closet. It's not like layaway. Call dibs now and pay twenty dollars down a week until you decide to admit you're gay.
TURNER: Someone's suddenly testy.
ME: I'M NOT GETTING TESTY!
. . . . .
So much for the last word.
Calling dibs.
TURNER: You can't call dibs on a straight guy!
Where else could this conversation take place?
BRIAN: I disagree.
It was time for lunch with the boys.
Brian liked a guy--a straight guy--that he met out one night with his friend Jen. Jen now wanted to go out with the guy, and Brian felt she was crossing the line.
BRIAN: I liked him first!
TURNER: But he's straight! There's no chance of anything between the two of you!
BRIAN: Oh, but if I were a girl and there wasn't a chance--
TURNER: That would be different.
BRIAN: How would it be different?
TURNER: Because there could never be no chance.
ME: That's a double negative.
SCOOTER: What I ordered?
ME: What he said.
SCOOTER: Oh good, I thought I got the salmon.
Turner argued that there was always a sliver of a chance between a girl and a guy, whereas there is no chance between a straight guy and a gay guy.
SCOOTER: Clearly, somebody never went away to camp.
TURNER: I'm saying, technically, it'll never happen. So you can't call dibs.
SCOOTER: I don't even think you should be able to call dibs.
ME: Like...ever?
SCOOTER: Yeah, like ever.
BRIAN: That's because you don't like any rule that prohibits you from acting like a moral human being.
ME: This from the guy that's CBing one of his girlfriends.
TURNER: Back up, Scooter, you don't believe in dibs at all?
Scooter's philosophy is that if you like someone, and they don't like you, they're fair game--even to your friends.
ME, TURNER, and BRIAN: Nope.
SCOOTER: Come on, you guys. You'd prevent one of your friends from getting with someone just because you happened to see them first?
ME, TURNER, and BRIAN: Yup.
SCOOTER: That's messed up.
ME: Scooter, the reasoning behind that is that a friend is more important than some lousy hook-up.
SCOOTER: First of all, no hook-up involving me is lousy. Second of all, a good friend wouldn't want to stand in the way of your happiness.
TURNER: Okay, that I can get behind.
BRIAN: I can't.
TURNER: Of course, you're standing right ON TOP OF Jen's happiness.
BRIAN: Ugh, I wish I was standing on your--
ME: Time out!
I get the last word, you know, since I'm me.
I take the restaurant approach to this.
If a friend asked me not to go to a particular restaurant, I wouldn't. If I'd never been there before, I wouldn't know what I was missing, so what would be the big deal?
Maybe it's a silly request, but friends are allowed to make silly requests, and you have to respect them.
That's one of the basic building blocks of friendship.
SCOOTER: This from the guy who called dibs all the time in college.
ME: Hey! I was getting the last word!
BRIAN: It's true though. You told us you always called dibs.
ME: That's because I was the only OUT guy in college. You don't get to call dibs from inside a closet. It's not like layaway. Call dibs now and pay twenty dollars down a week until you decide to admit you're gay.
TURNER: Someone's suddenly testy.
ME: I'M NOT GETTING TESTY!
. . . . .
So much for the last word.
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