Details Magazine published a how-to guide regarding the "urban sophisticate look" involving fall "suiting."
I was confused just writing that sentence.
Then I took a look at the photos, and realized this was a fantastic opportunity--not for me to learn how to pick out a fall suit, because most of these cost more than my car--but for a bit of creative writing.
You see, Details doesn't just instruct you what to buy. It shows you men wearing the clothing and how handsome they are, and then you're supposed to follow suit.
(See what I did there?)
But why would you want to look like these guys (aside from the devastating good looks) when they seem so unhappy?
Here's my idea of what's going on behind the photos, you know, aside from the clothing.
Click on the link and follow along: http://www.details.com/style-advice/perfect-wardrobe/201109/street-smart-mens-clothes-suits#slide=1
Photo One: So these guys just dumped a dead body in the river, and now they're wondering what they should do next. The guy on the right is like, "Hey, I don't care where we go. I just don't want to eat at Uno's again, okay?" The guy in the middle is like "Didn't you guys get the memo that dark colors are out this year? Don't you subscribe to Details? Ew, you read GQ? I'm, like, kind of disgusted right now." And the guy on the left is looking at the guy in the middle's crotch--clearly.
Photo Two: "Have you ever made love in London? Have you ever worn Tom Ford? Have you ever gone riding on the ferris wheel on a cool September night? Pomegranates, pomegranates, and a nice autumn breeze. Jack-o-lantern, what have we here? Love takes bookcases, shiny shiny, yes yes. You may proceed--but with caution. Did I mention that I'm a poet? And that I'm wearing Tom Ford? Yes, THAT Tom Ford. And a poet. Pomegranate."
Photo Three: These two guys are just leaving the store when one tells the other the FUNNIEST knock knock joke, and the other guy laughs and laughs, and then a car hits one of them, and that guy can never dance again. Then the other feels so bad he starts drinking and kills himself in Cuba. The broken dancer spreads his ashes on that very same street where they were once boys, and young, and laughing at a knock knock joke the broken dancer can no longer remember. And life...is cruel.
Photo Four: Staring contest with the camera--obvi.
Photo Five: These two guys are actually ghosts who've come back to Earth in awesome clothing because they were both killed at yard sales by angry soccer moms who wanted a tuxedo for their son to wear to prom. Now they walk the planet in designer attire achieving justice for those who suffer at the hands of bargain shoppers.
Photo Six: This Fall on BBC America, one's a vicar! One's a fop! Both are flashy and fabulous! Can they open their own fashion house without killing each other? There's only one way to find out! Tune into "Pop Your Collar," Tuesdays at 8pm!
Photo Seven: You may not know this, but they're remaking Reservoir Dogs, except this time, there's no violence. Only permanent stains. They spend the entire movie spilling things on each other. Sometimes mustard. Sometimes red wine. Sometimes they'll just chop a pen in half with a really thick knife and ink will go everywhere. Critics are saying it's much harder to watch than the original.
So, if you want to look as cool as these guys, purchase one of these suits, or just try to have an uncomfortably gay moment with your friends and stretch it out for as long as possible.
Either will do the trick.
I was confused just writing that sentence.
Then I took a look at the photos, and realized this was a fantastic opportunity--not for me to learn how to pick out a fall suit, because most of these cost more than my car--but for a bit of creative writing.
You see, Details doesn't just instruct you what to buy. It shows you men wearing the clothing and how handsome they are, and then you're supposed to follow suit.
(See what I did there?)
But why would you want to look like these guys (aside from the devastating good looks) when they seem so unhappy?
Here's my idea of what's going on behind the photos, you know, aside from the clothing.
Click on the link and follow along: http://www.details.com/style-advice/perfect-wardrobe/201109/street-smart-mens-clothes-suits#slide=1
Photo One: So these guys just dumped a dead body in the river, and now they're wondering what they should do next. The guy on the right is like, "Hey, I don't care where we go. I just don't want to eat at Uno's again, okay?" The guy in the middle is like "Didn't you guys get the memo that dark colors are out this year? Don't you subscribe to Details? Ew, you read GQ? I'm, like, kind of disgusted right now." And the guy on the left is looking at the guy in the middle's crotch--clearly.
Photo Two: "Have you ever made love in London? Have you ever worn Tom Ford? Have you ever gone riding on the ferris wheel on a cool September night? Pomegranates, pomegranates, and a nice autumn breeze. Jack-o-lantern, what have we here? Love takes bookcases, shiny shiny, yes yes. You may proceed--but with caution. Did I mention that I'm a poet? And that I'm wearing Tom Ford? Yes, THAT Tom Ford. And a poet. Pomegranate."
Photo Three: These two guys are just leaving the store when one tells the other the FUNNIEST knock knock joke, and the other guy laughs and laughs, and then a car hits one of them, and that guy can never dance again. Then the other feels so bad he starts drinking and kills himself in Cuba. The broken dancer spreads his ashes on that very same street where they were once boys, and young, and laughing at a knock knock joke the broken dancer can no longer remember. And life...is cruel.
Photo Four: Staring contest with the camera--obvi.
Photo Five: These two guys are actually ghosts who've come back to Earth in awesome clothing because they were both killed at yard sales by angry soccer moms who wanted a tuxedo for their son to wear to prom. Now they walk the planet in designer attire achieving justice for those who suffer at the hands of bargain shoppers.
Photo Six: This Fall on BBC America, one's a vicar! One's a fop! Both are flashy and fabulous! Can they open their own fashion house without killing each other? There's only one way to find out! Tune into "Pop Your Collar," Tuesdays at 8pm!
Photo Seven: You may not know this, but they're remaking Reservoir Dogs, except this time, there's no violence. Only permanent stains. They spend the entire movie spilling things on each other. Sometimes mustard. Sometimes red wine. Sometimes they'll just chop a pen in half with a really thick knife and ink will go everywhere. Critics are saying it's much harder to watch than the original.
So, if you want to look as cool as these guys, purchase one of these suits, or just try to have an uncomfortably gay moment with your friends and stretch it out for as long as possible.
Either will do the trick.
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