Skip to main content

The Post-Orgasm World

--- Sex/Corp ---

Here at Sex/Corp, we've been spending years figuring out how to incorporate sex into the everyday world, aiming for a society with more passion, peace, and prosperity.

We're happy to announce that we've now developed a pill that, when taken daily, will keep men and women in a constant state of post-coital pleasure.

Here are some testimonials:

TEST SUBJECT #1 ("JOHN"): Hahahahaha God, isn't everything just hysterical? Hahahahaha, you know who I should call up and forgive? That guy who stabbed me when I was sixteen. Hahaha he really wasn't such a bad guy. I mean, what's a stabbing anyway, right? Isn't it important just to, you know, be happy and laugh and hahaha sorry I was just thinking about something I just did a few minutes ago and hahaha wooooo hahaha Gee...

TEST SUBJECT #2 ("KELLY"): MY HAIR FEELS SO SOFT! FEEL MY HAIR! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM YES! God, you are just...look at you! Writing down the answers to the questions you're asking me. Do I like this pill? Do I LIKE THIS PILL? MY LIPS TASTE LIKE RASPBERRIES DIPPED IN HONEY FROSTING WHY ARE YOU STILL WEARING PANTS?!?!?!?

TEST SUBJECT #3 ("JAKE"): You know, I bet if we could figure out a way to put all the stars together, we could use them to light the world. Imagine that. Imagine a world lit by stars. Isn't that beautiful? You're so beautiful. Hey, put down that clipboard and just look at me. I mean, really, look at me. We should get married. I want to marry you, clipboard holder. Forget about surveys and tests. Just hold me forever. Oh, and can you go run and grab me some food? I'm starving. I've gained, like, twenty pounds since I started taking this drug. You know it really makes you fat and--

Well, that's enough!

As you can see, Sex/Corp's new Post-Orgasm drug is set to change the way we live in the modern world.

In an unexpected turn of events, sexually transmitted diseases have gone down a whopping eighty percent, as many people don't actually feel like having sex anymore since they now constantly feel like they've just had sex.

Just one more way Sex/Corp is sexing things up...or down...depending on how you look at it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A List of People Who Can Go to Hell Now That I Can't Have Elizabeth Warren

So today was a rough day for everybody who isn't a @#$%-ing #$%hole. Let's just start there. If that upsets you, by all means, go straight to hell. This entire rant is going to be exactly what it sounds like. I am mad and I am going to exercise my right to BLOG ABOUT IT LIKE IT'S 1995, SO BUCKLE UP, BUTTERCUP. I really don't even know where to start, so let's just jump right in with the first person who comes to mind. Bloomberg, go to hell.  You really didn't have anything specific to do with today, but you can just go to hell for spending an ungodly amount of money on literally nothing.  I mean, you could have lit millions of dollars on fire and at least warmed the hands of the homeless, but instead, you made tv stations across the country that are already owned by Conservatives rich, so kudos to you and go to hell. Amy Klobuchar, I STUCK UP FOR YOU AMY.  I got into FIGHTS on SOCIAL MEDIA while DEFENDING your sorry, self-interested ass.  You know

Theater and the Outbreak

After last week's interview, a representative from a theater that recently experienced the results of opening too soon reached out to speak with me. I want to thank this person for coming forward in the hopes that it'll change some minds about what's safe and what isn't when it comes to the performing arts. Here's the interview: ME:  So this wasn't a full production or-- THEM:  No. It was us trying to do a little something for friends and donors. ME:  Who is 'us?' THEM:  The board of _____. ME:  And how long have you been on the board? THEM:  Three years. ME:  What was this going to be? THEM:  There's a, uh, beautiful park here in town, and we wanted to do an outdoor performance of a Shakespeare as a benefit, because, as you know, theaters are having a hard time right now paying the bills. We checked with the local government and the health department for the state to make sure we were doing everything the way we needed to in order to keep everyone s

People You Know Are More Important Than People You Don't Know

This post is in response to arguing with people--straight and gay alike--about a certain celebrity, whether or not she's an ally, if she's pandering, if pandering matters, and whether or not I'm an asshole. The last part is probably an enthusiastic "Yes" but let's reflect on this for a bit anyway without actually giving more time to an argument about a person none of us know, which is a crucial part of what I want to talk about. People you know are more important than people you don't know. I realize it's tricky in an age where we've never been closer or more engaged to our celebrities to keep in mind that we do not know them, they are not our friends, and while we may love them and stan and feel like we're attacked when they're attacked-- That is not true. That is not real. They are in no tangible way connected to us. Now, as someone who is obsessed with pop culture, I get that it's a little hypocritical for me to be making