The Comparative Friend

Here at Social/Corp, we've come up with a new service guaranteed to get you the attention of the prettiest guy or gal at any bar you happen to frequent.

How? --You might ask.

Here's how!

The Comparative Friend!

Sound strange?

That's because it is--

Strangely awesome!

Think about this:

How many times do you go out only to be approached by some idiot who regales you with stories about their tattoos and how they love being fun-employed when all of a sudden you notice some other person hanging back?

Oh them? --the idiot says-- They're just my friend.

You bet they are--

Their comparative friend.

And just by hanging back while their friend makes an ass out of themselves, the comparative friend looks amazing.

Now, Social/Corp is willing to provide you with that comparative friend!

We'll send a total moron out with you for a night on the town where that moron will make a complete fool of themselves--approaching people, making dumb comments, and drawing too much attention to themselves.

And all the while, you'll be hanging in the background, making people wonder--

Who's that attractive person the drunken asshole is with?

Pretty soon, you're going to be looking pretty damn sexy.

That is--comparatively sexy.

Listen to these testimonials!

"I have no personality, and I'm terrible at making conversation, but when my comparative friend threw up on the girl I thought was hot, she came running--right into my arms...and, obviously, away from his puke."

"I'm plain-looking, and I only have one eye, so Social/Corp sent me an obnoxious girl with barstools for legs, and suddenly, I wasn't looking so bad. Thanks Social/Corp!"

"Gay guys instinctively want to hook up with whoever the best looking person in the room is, so I ordered eight comparative friends--good ones too. I'm talking circus freaks, mimes, drifters, and a guy with a monkey he called Aunt Petunia. It didn't take long before every guy in the bar was clinging to me. That night I took at least seven guys home and--"

Okay that's enough!

Now that you've heard what good work we do, it's time for you to take advantage of our services!

"--We even let Petunia film the--"

I said that's enough!

Sorry.

Anyway--

Call Social/Corp and tell them you want your Comparative Friend.

Comparative Friend!

Because compared to your comparative friend--

You're not that bad!