Taking Back "Slut"

There's a word that gets tossed around so often, and, subsequently, tossed off even more infrequently.

"Slut."

It's not as bad as calling someone a "whore," but it does indicate a certain level of trashiness, and, obviously, promiscuity.

This post is going to be mainly about the word in the context of the gay community, since, you know, I'm a gay man.

The worst part about being labeled a "slut" is that once that moniker is stuck on you, it'll stay there for, oh let's be conservative here and say--decades.

What's odd is that we find it hysterical when women act slutty.

I mean, c'mon, the Sex and the City women are practically our temple gods, and yet when we ourselves act that way, there's utter disdain.

And most of the time, it has nothing to do with morality or (try saying this without scoffing) chastity.

Most of the time it's one of the following reasons:

1)  We call a guy a slut because we want to dissuade someone from sleeping with him.
2)  We call a guy a slut because someone we liked slept with him.
3)  We call a guy a slut because we want to sleep with him and he's not into the idea.

--or a combination of the three.

And as far as number one goes, it never works.

If your friend is attracted to someone, telling them how much sexual experience they have is only going to alert your friend to the fact that the person is probably really good in bed.

I mean, nobody gets that much practice without learning a few things.

If anything, I'd rather sleep with a slut than a saint.  It's the same reason I'd rather be someone's twentieth surgery than their first.

Although, most guys do prefer the saint, only because men, even gay men, still have that raging Whore and the Madonna complex, which I find to be downright creepy.  After a certain age, if you're still lusting after cherubic virgins, I'm just going to label you a pedophile and call it a day.

But back to the topic at hand--

Can't we just do away with the word "slut?"

Let's face it, most of us have had a slutty phase.  (Some of us might still be in one.)  Anyone who makes it through high school and college these days is going to rack up a few sexual partners, unless they're really trying not to, and in my experience, those people don't tend to judge the rest of us.

In the end, it's sluts judging sluts, and that just doesn't make any sense to me.

It also suggests that there's something wrong with choosing to be single and still wanting to have a healthy sex life.  Is the implication that I have to be in a relationship to have sex or risk being judged by my peers?  Are we gays or Catholics?

As long as I'm responsible and careful and honest about what it is I'm looking for, what's wrong with me having whatever sort of fun I want?

I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
I don't rob banks.

As far as vices go, sex isn't even in the top five.

Feminists have been trying for years to get rid of the stigma that a woman who takes control of her own sex life is somehow a bad person.  Granted, they're still fighting that battle, but now it's entered into the gay community.

And you know who NEVER has to worry about being branded a slut?

Straight men.

Straight guys don't care who their friends have sex with (unless it's other straight guys), and they certainly don't care if they get called something that indicates they get laid a lot.  In fact, they usually get high-fived for it.

(People still high-five, right?)

Let's just do away with the word, and the false notion that by putting that label on someone else, we're somehow better than they are.

As my grandmother always says, "A glass house is hard to heat."

I don't know what that means exactly, but she also said "Do what you want, have fun, and if people don't like it, they can go #$% themselves."

I think that pretty much sums it up.