When 2012 started, I had it all figured out.
And by "all" I mean Entertainment Weekly, my favorite infuriating magazine.
Entertainment Weekly, for those of you who aren't familiar with it, is sort of like the Regina George of culture magazines if Regina George was also a hipster, occasionally funny, and just self-aware enough to know better.
Their 2011 year-end round-up was so ridiculous, I was determined to believe that they were just screwing with me, but I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
The "Best of" lists were so far-fetched--(Melancholia was the best movie of the year? The Submission was the best book? What?!?!)
Magazines and the critics who write for them have always been accused of being contrarian just for the sake of being so--Lisa Schwarzbaum of EW is the biggest name that jumps to mind (pun intended). She seems hell-bent on only liking movies nobody else has ever heard of.
What makes EW so ludicrous is that most of the stuff that winds up on their "Best of..." lists are things that don't ever get reviewed in the actual magazine. So basically, they're saying "We like stuff that nobody else likes, but we're a magazine about pop culture so if it's not popular, we can't feature it anywhere but in our year-end issue."
Either you're Spin magazine or you're not, EW, you have to choose.
But then I started having doubts.
I don't really read the music reviews, because up until this year, I've never worked that hard at expanding my musical taste. And I skim most of the movie reviews--same with television. So maybe they did tell me how great some of these things were and I just wasn't paying attention.
That's when I conducted my ridiculous year-long experience.
For an entire year, if Entertainment Weekly gave something an "A" grade, I either listened to, watched, or read it.
I figured if anything winds up on a year-end issue, it's got to be something that got at LEAST an "A" for a grade. I also thought that how much print something gets in the magazine would be a good indicator of what wound up in the "Best of 2012" list, and to some degree, I was right. Gone Girl definitely made the list, and yes, it is good, but not as good as they say--they're clearly biased by the fact that the author used to work for them even with all their "We're not biased because we're drawing your attention to the fact that she used to work here" bullshit. I never understood the logic of putting Jamie Foxx on the cover to promote Django Unchained only to bash the movie five pages after you do a ten-page feature on it. I mean, I get it--Hollywood, sales, etc--but I don't get it. Does that make sense?
It's a good book. One of the ten best? Ehh...I don't know about that.
After a year of experiencing all the Grade-A culture EW told me about, their year-end issue came out today, and as I expected, Entertainment Weekly is totally full of shit.
Now, the movie section wasn't that far out there. The two best movies according to their two critics are Lincoln and Zero Dark Thirty. Okay, I buy that--although it's still maddening because Zero Dark Thirty isn't even in theaters yet outside of New York and L.A., so it's basically like your friend telling you he got to see a movie early and it's awesome and ha ha you suck. (At least, that's what I hear in my mind.) Lisa continues to be the more ridiculous of the two liking The Lonely Planet so much she just HAD to include it. You can tell she just hates being the lesser of the two critics.
The tv section was mostly spot-on aside from the fact that--and argue if you must--Nashville is a really boring show. I gave it a few episodes, but it's neither dramatic enough to be a drama or fun enough to be campy, and it wants to be both. Still, they put it as #10, and in a tv season that wasn't anywhere near as strong as last year's, I'll let that slide.
Then we come to the music section, which is like entering the asylum on American Horror Story--nothing makes sense.
I'm okay with the #1 pick, as Frank Ocean is pretty badass, and Fiona Apple taking #2 is fine with me, but after that, it gets nutty. Having read the music section cover to cover all year long, I'd like to know when they decided the Japandroids album was so unforgettable. I knew they liked "The House That Heaven Built," but I can't even recall when they reviewed the entire album, which is only eight songs long, so it's really an EP anyway.
Then we have Kaleidoscope Dream by Miguel, which was never reviewed, but is apparently the #4 album of the year on a list that didn't include some seriously amazing artists. Follow that up with Lord Huron, Killer Mike, Django Django, Kendrick Lamar, and--should I even keep going? Oh yeah--Fun was #10. Number F**king ten on the list.
That's insane.
Then you go to the singles list and most of those artists aren't represented all. So, you're saying someone put out an amazing album that didn't have a single "Best of 2012" song on it? How does that work?
I could get into details about the Book and Stage section, but instead, I'll just list my own Best of 2012 picks. Argue if you want. I'll fully admit that I haven't seen Amour, so it could be brilliant, but I'm not including it. I have seen almost 100 movies this year, so these are the best of them. Plus my top choices for the other categories. If I had a magazine, they'd be the ones getting reviewed.
Movies
1. Silver Linings Playbook
2. Lincoln
3. Moonrise Kingdom
4. Argo
5. Looper
6. The Sessions
7. Skyfall
8. Wanderlust
9. Friends with Kids
10. Pitch Perfect
TV
Parks and Recreation
Louie
Downton Abbey
The Walking Dead
Modern Family
Girls
Justified
Veep
Homeland
Elementary
Music (Albums)
1. P!nk - The Truth About Love
2. Emeli Sande - Our Version of Events
3. Fun - Some Nights
4. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday...Roman Reloaded
5. Chris Wallace - Push Rewind
6. Paloma Faith - Fall to Grace
7. Delta Rae - Carry the Fire
8. Frank Ocean - Channel Orange
9. The Black Keys - El Camino
10. The Ting Tings - Sounds from Nowheresville
And by "all" I mean Entertainment Weekly, my favorite infuriating magazine.
Entertainment Weekly, for those of you who aren't familiar with it, is sort of like the Regina George of culture magazines if Regina George was also a hipster, occasionally funny, and just self-aware enough to know better.
Their 2011 year-end round-up was so ridiculous, I was determined to believe that they were just screwing with me, but I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
The "Best of" lists were so far-fetched--(Melancholia was the best movie of the year? The Submission was the best book? What?!?!)
Magazines and the critics who write for them have always been accused of being contrarian just for the sake of being so--Lisa Schwarzbaum of EW is the biggest name that jumps to mind (pun intended). She seems hell-bent on only liking movies nobody else has ever heard of.
What makes EW so ludicrous is that most of the stuff that winds up on their "Best of..." lists are things that don't ever get reviewed in the actual magazine. So basically, they're saying "We like stuff that nobody else likes, but we're a magazine about pop culture so if it's not popular, we can't feature it anywhere but in our year-end issue."
Either you're Spin magazine or you're not, EW, you have to choose.
But then I started having doubts.
I don't really read the music reviews, because up until this year, I've never worked that hard at expanding my musical taste. And I skim most of the movie reviews--same with television. So maybe they did tell me how great some of these things were and I just wasn't paying attention.
That's when I conducted my ridiculous year-long experience.
For an entire year, if Entertainment Weekly gave something an "A" grade, I either listened to, watched, or read it.
I figured if anything winds up on a year-end issue, it's got to be something that got at LEAST an "A" for a grade. I also thought that how much print something gets in the magazine would be a good indicator of what wound up in the "Best of 2012" list, and to some degree, I was right. Gone Girl definitely made the list, and yes, it is good, but not as good as they say--they're clearly biased by the fact that the author used to work for them even with all their "We're not biased because we're drawing your attention to the fact that she used to work here" bullshit. I never understood the logic of putting Jamie Foxx on the cover to promote Django Unchained only to bash the movie five pages after you do a ten-page feature on it. I mean, I get it--Hollywood, sales, etc--but I don't get it. Does that make sense?
It's a good book. One of the ten best? Ehh...I don't know about that.
After a year of experiencing all the Grade-A culture EW told me about, their year-end issue came out today, and as I expected, Entertainment Weekly is totally full of shit.
Now, the movie section wasn't that far out there. The two best movies according to their two critics are Lincoln and Zero Dark Thirty. Okay, I buy that--although it's still maddening because Zero Dark Thirty isn't even in theaters yet outside of New York and L.A., so it's basically like your friend telling you he got to see a movie early and it's awesome and ha ha you suck. (At least, that's what I hear in my mind.) Lisa continues to be the more ridiculous of the two liking The Lonely Planet so much she just HAD to include it. You can tell she just hates being the lesser of the two critics.
The tv section was mostly spot-on aside from the fact that--and argue if you must--Nashville is a really boring show. I gave it a few episodes, but it's neither dramatic enough to be a drama or fun enough to be campy, and it wants to be both. Still, they put it as #10, and in a tv season that wasn't anywhere near as strong as last year's, I'll let that slide.
Then we come to the music section, which is like entering the asylum on American Horror Story--nothing makes sense.
I'm okay with the #1 pick, as Frank Ocean is pretty badass, and Fiona Apple taking #2 is fine with me, but after that, it gets nutty. Having read the music section cover to cover all year long, I'd like to know when they decided the Japandroids album was so unforgettable. I knew they liked "The House That Heaven Built," but I can't even recall when they reviewed the entire album, which is only eight songs long, so it's really an EP anyway.
Then we have Kaleidoscope Dream by Miguel, which was never reviewed, but is apparently the #4 album of the year on a list that didn't include some seriously amazing artists. Follow that up with Lord Huron, Killer Mike, Django Django, Kendrick Lamar, and--should I even keep going? Oh yeah--Fun was #10. Number F**king ten on the list.
That's insane.
Then you go to the singles list and most of those artists aren't represented all. So, you're saying someone put out an amazing album that didn't have a single "Best of 2012" song on it? How does that work?
I could get into details about the Book and Stage section, but instead, I'll just list my own Best of 2012 picks. Argue if you want. I'll fully admit that I haven't seen Amour, so it could be brilliant, but I'm not including it. I have seen almost 100 movies this year, so these are the best of them. Plus my top choices for the other categories. If I had a magazine, they'd be the ones getting reviewed.
Movies
1. Silver Linings Playbook
2. Lincoln
3. Moonrise Kingdom
4. Argo
5. Looper
6. The Sessions
7. Skyfall
8. Wanderlust
9. Friends with Kids
10. Pitch Perfect
TV
Parks and Recreation
Louie
Downton Abbey
The Walking Dead
Modern Family
Girls
Justified
Veep
Homeland
Elementary
Music (Albums)
1. P!nk - The Truth About Love
2. Emeli Sande - Our Version of Events
3. Fun - Some Nights
4. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday...Roman Reloaded
5. Chris Wallace - Push Rewind
6. Paloma Faith - Fall to Grace
7. Delta Rae - Carry the Fire
8. Frank Ocean - Channel Orange
9. The Black Keys - El Camino
10. The Ting Tings - Sounds from Nowheresville
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