I always had this very specific idea of what would happen if I became famous.
I believed--truly believed--that if I ever became famous, everybody who dislikes me or didn't believe in me or even all-out hated me would--wait for it--
Change
Their
Mind
No, seriously, this is what I believed.
In the core of my soul.
This only made me want to be famous even more than I already did want to be famous, which was a lot--a whooooooole heck of a lot.
Because how awesome would that be? To suddenly have--I don't even know what you'd call it?--a clean slate?
To have everybody who has a problem with you suddenly have to say--
"Nope, I was wrong about him. Kevin's awesome. Otherwise he wouldn't be famous. Wow, I feel like a jerk for not realizing it before he was a star."
Then someone I knew got famous--well, sort of famous.
And so I watched his life--via Facebook, you know, the way we all do--and I really expected to see all his former frenemies and all-out enemies to turn around and offer their apologies and beg forgiveness for ever doubting him.
That didn't happen.
That didn't happen at all.
If anything, all those people seemed to hate him even more. It was like by becoming semi-famous, he was inspiring even more hatred in him. He seemed to become even more of an asshole than they already thought he was just by the virtue of being successful.
On top of that, people who were on the fence about him, who didn't exactly hate him, but didn't really think he was all that bad, suddenly decided that yes, yes he is an awful person and how could they not have seen that before he became famous?
So--what the hell?
Nobody wants to introduce the "j" word into any conversation when you're talking about acting, and theater, and the arts, or even just people of my generation--
Jealously.
Most of us would rather admit we're alcoholics or addicted to club drugs before we'd admit to being jealous of one of our friends and their achievements.
It's not a popular way of looking at things, but the fact is, most of us see the world as one big competition and we're constantly aware of whether or not we're winning or losing, so when someone takes a big leap ahead, and they're winning by a mile, we have to find a way to deal with that. Because, as anybody who runs a race or watches sports or knows anything about playing any sort of game knows that if you're not the winner, you're the...
You got it, right?
So the result is jealously, but we can't deal with jealously, so we turn it into all-out disdain instead.
And that means...what?
I mean, really, what does it mean?
That, as a generation, we can either be unsuccessful and have people like us because they don't feel threatened by us OR we can be successful and feel lonely and isolated because people feel bad when they're around us?
Can we just be happy for people?
Of course we can!
And by "we" I don't mean "me" because honestly, it's really hard for me to be happy for someone if I feel like they're taking a piece of the success pie. I know we all want to believe there's enough of that pie to go around, but--and maybe this is a glass half-empty kinda thing--but I don't believe that.
I mean, they only have so many Oscars to give out every year, right?
Success is, in fact, limited.
And we're all going after it.
And we're going after it in a field that is notoriously competitive and cutthroat and where there are simply not enough jobs to go around for everybody who wants them.
I do have to say though, when I was a kid, all I wanted to be was a movie star. Now, I'd take just being a working actor, but if I got the chance to be a movie star, I'd be thrilled.
The idea that maybe more than a few people in my life wouldn't be thrilled for me if that happened is seriously disheartening.
It kinda makes you wonder if fame would ultimately be worth it.
...I mean, it would totally be worth it, but...
...Yeah, still, totally worth it.
I believed--truly believed--that if I ever became famous, everybody who dislikes me or didn't believe in me or even all-out hated me would--wait for it--
Change
Their
Mind
No, seriously, this is what I believed.
In the core of my soul.
This only made me want to be famous even more than I already did want to be famous, which was a lot--a whooooooole heck of a lot.
Because how awesome would that be? To suddenly have--I don't even know what you'd call it?--a clean slate?
To have everybody who has a problem with you suddenly have to say--
"Nope, I was wrong about him. Kevin's awesome. Otherwise he wouldn't be famous. Wow, I feel like a jerk for not realizing it before he was a star."
Then someone I knew got famous--well, sort of famous.
And so I watched his life--via Facebook, you know, the way we all do--and I really expected to see all his former frenemies and all-out enemies to turn around and offer their apologies and beg forgiveness for ever doubting him.
That didn't happen.
That didn't happen at all.
If anything, all those people seemed to hate him even more. It was like by becoming semi-famous, he was inspiring even more hatred in him. He seemed to become even more of an asshole than they already thought he was just by the virtue of being successful.
On top of that, people who were on the fence about him, who didn't exactly hate him, but didn't really think he was all that bad, suddenly decided that yes, yes he is an awful person and how could they not have seen that before he became famous?
So--what the hell?
Nobody wants to introduce the "j" word into any conversation when you're talking about acting, and theater, and the arts, or even just people of my generation--
Jealously.
Most of us would rather admit we're alcoholics or addicted to club drugs before we'd admit to being jealous of one of our friends and their achievements.
It's not a popular way of looking at things, but the fact is, most of us see the world as one big competition and we're constantly aware of whether or not we're winning or losing, so when someone takes a big leap ahead, and they're winning by a mile, we have to find a way to deal with that. Because, as anybody who runs a race or watches sports or knows anything about playing any sort of game knows that if you're not the winner, you're the...
You got it, right?
So the result is jealously, but we can't deal with jealously, so we turn it into all-out disdain instead.
And that means...what?
I mean, really, what does it mean?
That, as a generation, we can either be unsuccessful and have people like us because they don't feel threatened by us OR we can be successful and feel lonely and isolated because people feel bad when they're around us?
Can we just be happy for people?
Of course we can!
And by "we" I don't mean "me" because honestly, it's really hard for me to be happy for someone if I feel like they're taking a piece of the success pie. I know we all want to believe there's enough of that pie to go around, but--and maybe this is a glass half-empty kinda thing--but I don't believe that.
I mean, they only have so many Oscars to give out every year, right?
Success is, in fact, limited.
And we're all going after it.
And we're going after it in a field that is notoriously competitive and cutthroat and where there are simply not enough jobs to go around for everybody who wants them.
I do have to say though, when I was a kid, all I wanted to be was a movie star. Now, I'd take just being a working actor, but if I got the chance to be a movie star, I'd be thrilled.
The idea that maybe more than a few people in my life wouldn't be thrilled for me if that happened is seriously disheartening.
It kinda makes you wonder if fame would ultimately be worth it.
...I mean, it would totally be worth it, but...
...Yeah, still, totally worth it.
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