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Giving Up: The CW

I’m giving up a certain amount of tv
Because there’s just too much of it
And also—
I should probably devote some time
To other things
Like eating
Or reading a book
Since, allegedly, I’m a writer

So I’m doing a five-step program
Where I give up a little tv
A little bit at a time
Until I’m down
To only the really good stuff

Like Veep and twelve hours of Food Network a day

That should cover
All my small screen needs

The first step is the CW
Land of Hot Models Who Can Speak Words Sort of Clearly
And the Superheroes Who Love Them

CW is comfort food
And I get that
But these days
You can get that high end Mac and Cheese on Netflix
You don’t need to be eating that Velveeta anymore, gurl

Plus, I have some issues
With most of those shows

The Flash is adorable, but Grant Guslin
Is pretty clearly gay
And no matter what beard they stick on his chin
It just never reads

Supergirl has actually gotten better
As it goes along
But I just don’t see the long game for it

I don’t see the long game
For any of these shows actually

Can you believe Supernatural is still on the air?
Because I don’t think the writers can believe it either
And at this point, it’s probably like—

‘I don’t know.  What if we had them fight a troll?  A leprechaun?  A gremlin?  Can we get the rights to gremlins?’

I won’t lie and say that I’ll never watch
Jane the Virgin again
When I’m sick on the couch
And I just want to feel that warm CW lighting
Wash over me
Like rainwater on the abs
Of pretty much anybody that acts for that network

But I’m not going to make it a priority

These are hard choices
But they have to be made


Wait until you hear about
Step Two…

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