Spoilers ahead--I think.
I'm assuming I'm going to spoil something
at some point, so just be ready for that.
First off, this is not going to be one of those
Drag Race Sucks posts. Believe it or not,
I actually thought this was a pretty solid
season when you consider it's being produced
by a bunch of people who have absolutely
no interest in ever changing up the format
or structure of the show in any way.
Their approach seems to be--
Save all the tricks for All-Stars and just
coast through normal seasons.
I'll confess that it's a little sad to see a show
that was once so cutting edge become more
complacent than shows like Survivor and
Project Runway when it comes to keeping
things fresh, but you get the sense that
the Drag Race producers are falling back
on the same excuse singing competitions
have used for years about why they never
mix things up a little. There's an assumption
that just getting dynamic contestants will
do the work for you.
What we saw this season is that even when you
get some truly tv-ready competitors, the "t" still
needs to stand for talent.
This season must have been like a perfect storm
for producers. The queens with the most skill
were oftentimes not all that interesting to watch
when it comes to the "reality of it all."
(Let's face it, if this was really a show about being
the most talented drag queen, our final three would
have been Sugah, Nina, and probably Honey.)
Whereas the queens who probably belonged back
at Amateur Night certainly knew how to play up
some drama for the cameras.
In previous years, those queens were one and the
same and that's what makes for dynamic television.
What you don't want are shy talented girls and
loudmouths who can't work a sewing machine, and
that brings us to Season Eleven.
There's really no point in writing a 'How to Fix Drag
Race' article, because Ru has made it clear that she
doesn't give a flying f*** at this point about doing
anything other than showing up, stirring the pot,
and cashing the check. And that's not me being
critical. We're talking about a man in a dress who
somehow made drag something you could talk about
with your grandmother on Easter, so if she wants to
lay back and relax a little bit, I say, "The pool's that
way, bitch."
I will say that if I was writing a ten-point, bullet-ed
article all about how to jazz the show up a little, at
least nine of those bullets would be--
Give me a better f***ing finale.
Again, I think this season was woefully underrated.
We got catchphrases, we got feuds, we got one of the
best lip-synchs EVER, henny.
And while it's understandable to think back on the days
of Bianca and feel nostalgic, it's also important to remember
that even on Silky's loudest day, she is nowhere near the sonic
boom of obnoxious that was Laganja.
But as willing as I am to die on the "This season was kind
of great, actually" hill, I was not done any favors by that
finale.
Where, oh where do I begin?
Let's start with the fact that it's not live, it's never live, and
while I've done ever Reddit deep-dive I can find on it, there
doesn't seem to be any real reason for this.
Excuses range from the infuriating (Ru can't remember
anything so they have to pre-tape it. Umm, cue cards?
Teleprompters? A hearing device where Alyssa Edwards
tells her what to say? C'mon now!) to the more understandable
(Do you have any idea what letting all these queens on
live television would look like? Okay, fair. Very fair.)
Ru has always been very transparent about the fact
that they produce the show within an inch of its life,
and you can only produce live television so much
without stuff going wrong, but also--
WE LOVE IT WHEN STUFF GOES WRONG.
THAT'S WHY PEOPLE LOVE LIVE TV.
Also, as a producer, your goal is supposed to be
not letting people see how much is being produced,
and that is a war Drag Race loses almost every
episode, but the finale was a full-out massacre.
I know we're on VH1 now, but--
What was going on with those Maury Povich
taped segments introducing each of the final
four? To say it was trashy would be putting
it mildly, and while it seemed like they were
mocking shows like Love and Hip Hop, it
also seemed like...they weren't doing that.
It was so tacky. And granted, this show
used to be on Logo, which sometimes
caused it to be campy, crude, and frequently
downright cheap--but it was NEVER trashy.
Black-and-white trash talk? What am I
watching? When's the paternity test?
Please, Ru, never do that again.
I have to hand it to those queens. I could
literally hear the talking points the producers
gave them as they were speaking, and--aside
from A'keria--they did their best to make it
sound natural.
Sidenote: How rude was it to make A'keria
basically acknowledge in her segment
that nobody thinks she can win, and then
reduce her down to a twerking queen
when I would argue she's way more talented
than a lot of people who have made it
to the final four over the years?
By the time we got to the first lip-synch,
I was at least grateful that they've come up
with an interesting way to pick the winner.
Remember the days of having each contestant
perform an original song written by that
adorable sociopath Lucifer Piano? Is that
his--you know what, I don't even care enough
to Google it.
Then we watched Brooke Lynn and Silky
face off and--honestly--it was so over-edited
I'm surprised I didn't have a seizure.
Look, it's clear the producers knew exactly
who they wanted to go into the Top Two. I
wouldn't be surprised if they offered Silky
a guaranteed spot in All-Stars Season 5
provided she didn't pick A'keria to go up
against. When the poor girl picked Brooke Lynn,
she looked like a lost kid at an amusement
park holding a half-eaten doughboy. Everything
felt very...fixed.
Then we're giving a lip-synch that--from
a television standpoint--looked like
a sequence out of Trainspotting.
Never should there be more than two
close-ups in any lip-synch. Give me
a wide shot and let me make my own
determination about how things went
down. The A'keria/Yvie match-up
was better, but not by much.
Then we got Christine from Christine
and the Queens performing a Ru song,
which was a great way to showcase
queens from the past, except when
they brought the queens out, they failed
to introduce any of them with so much
as a banner at the bottom.
Henny, I am a Drag Race superfan,
but if you think I can recognize Jaymes
Mansfield at the drop of a hat, you are
sorely mistaken. Those were the
most stressful four minutes of my life
as I tried desperately to identify each
of the queens, feeling like a 3rd grader
with his multiplication flashcards all
mixed up.
The final Brooke/Yvie face-off was--
Okay, so nothing will ever top
"Sorry Not Sorry," but that being
said--
I was underwhelmed.
There might also be no pleasing me,
because last year, I had had it--officially--
with all the stunts, gymnastics, and ru-veals,
although I will give points to Brooke for
her brilliant pre-veal look.
Yvie turned in an understated yet elegant
yet weird yet very Gaga performance, but
somehow it just...didn't feel like enough.
It felt smart and strategic and made Brooke
Lynn look like she was trying too hard, but
I don't know, I just wanted more overall--
from the entire finale.
And the fact that it's not live means I have
to wait until they upload that video of Yvie
and Brooke Lynn sitting at a club somewhere
watching with the rest of the country to find
out who won, and that drives me INSANE.
Imagine if American Idol, at its peak, had
said 'Now, this is just a tape of Kelly Clarkson
pretending to be excited about theoretically
winning, because we're also going to film
Justin Guarini winning, and then we'll edit it
later to reveal who the real winner is."
Reader, there would have been rioting
in the 2002 streets, because that was all
we had to get mad about back then.
In short (too late), I know there are so
many things required to fix Drag Race,
and if none of them ever happen, I swear
I'll only complain a little, but please, for
the love of Shangela, give us a better
finale.
As Drag Race itself has taught us--
All can be forgiven, provided you
stick the landing.
I'm assuming I'm going to spoil something
at some point, so just be ready for that.
First off, this is not going to be one of those
Drag Race Sucks posts. Believe it or not,
I actually thought this was a pretty solid
season when you consider it's being produced
by a bunch of people who have absolutely
no interest in ever changing up the format
or structure of the show in any way.
Their approach seems to be--
Save all the tricks for All-Stars and just
coast through normal seasons.
I'll confess that it's a little sad to see a show
that was once so cutting edge become more
complacent than shows like Survivor and
Project Runway when it comes to keeping
things fresh, but you get the sense that
the Drag Race producers are falling back
on the same excuse singing competitions
have used for years about why they never
mix things up a little. There's an assumption
that just getting dynamic contestants will
do the work for you.
What we saw this season is that even when you
get some truly tv-ready competitors, the "t" still
needs to stand for talent.
This season must have been like a perfect storm
for producers. The queens with the most skill
were oftentimes not all that interesting to watch
when it comes to the "reality of it all."
(Let's face it, if this was really a show about being
the most talented drag queen, our final three would
have been Sugah, Nina, and probably Honey.)
Whereas the queens who probably belonged back
at Amateur Night certainly knew how to play up
some drama for the cameras.
In previous years, those queens were one and the
same and that's what makes for dynamic television.
What you don't want are shy talented girls and
loudmouths who can't work a sewing machine, and
that brings us to Season Eleven.
There's really no point in writing a 'How to Fix Drag
Race' article, because Ru has made it clear that she
doesn't give a flying f*** at this point about doing
anything other than showing up, stirring the pot,
and cashing the check. And that's not me being
critical. We're talking about a man in a dress who
somehow made drag something you could talk about
with your grandmother on Easter, so if she wants to
lay back and relax a little bit, I say, "The pool's that
way, bitch."
I will say that if I was writing a ten-point, bullet-ed
article all about how to jazz the show up a little, at
least nine of those bullets would be--
Give me a better f***ing finale.
Again, I think this season was woefully underrated.
We got catchphrases, we got feuds, we got one of the
best lip-synchs EVER, henny.
And while it's understandable to think back on the days
of Bianca and feel nostalgic, it's also important to remember
that even on Silky's loudest day, she is nowhere near the sonic
boom of obnoxious that was Laganja.
But as willing as I am to die on the "This season was kind
of great, actually" hill, I was not done any favors by that
finale.
Where, oh where do I begin?
Let's start with the fact that it's not live, it's never live, and
while I've done ever Reddit deep-dive I can find on it, there
doesn't seem to be any real reason for this.
Excuses range from the infuriating (Ru can't remember
anything so they have to pre-tape it. Umm, cue cards?
Teleprompters? A hearing device where Alyssa Edwards
tells her what to say? C'mon now!) to the more understandable
(Do you have any idea what letting all these queens on
live television would look like? Okay, fair. Very fair.)
Ru has always been very transparent about the fact
that they produce the show within an inch of its life,
and you can only produce live television so much
without stuff going wrong, but also--
WE LOVE IT WHEN STUFF GOES WRONG.
THAT'S WHY PEOPLE LOVE LIVE TV.
Also, as a producer, your goal is supposed to be
not letting people see how much is being produced,
and that is a war Drag Race loses almost every
episode, but the finale was a full-out massacre.
I know we're on VH1 now, but--
What was going on with those Maury Povich
taped segments introducing each of the final
four? To say it was trashy would be putting
it mildly, and while it seemed like they were
mocking shows like Love and Hip Hop, it
also seemed like...they weren't doing that.
It was so tacky. And granted, this show
used to be on Logo, which sometimes
caused it to be campy, crude, and frequently
downright cheap--but it was NEVER trashy.
Black-and-white trash talk? What am I
watching? When's the paternity test?
Please, Ru, never do that again.
I have to hand it to those queens. I could
literally hear the talking points the producers
gave them as they were speaking, and--aside
from A'keria--they did their best to make it
sound natural.
Sidenote: How rude was it to make A'keria
basically acknowledge in her segment
that nobody thinks she can win, and then
reduce her down to a twerking queen
when I would argue she's way more talented
than a lot of people who have made it
to the final four over the years?
By the time we got to the first lip-synch,
I was at least grateful that they've come up
with an interesting way to pick the winner.
Remember the days of having each contestant
perform an original song written by that
adorable sociopath Lucifer Piano? Is that
his--you know what, I don't even care enough
to Google it.
Then we watched Brooke Lynn and Silky
face off and--honestly--it was so over-edited
I'm surprised I didn't have a seizure.
Look, it's clear the producers knew exactly
who they wanted to go into the Top Two. I
wouldn't be surprised if they offered Silky
a guaranteed spot in All-Stars Season 5
provided she didn't pick A'keria to go up
against. When the poor girl picked Brooke Lynn,
she looked like a lost kid at an amusement
park holding a half-eaten doughboy. Everything
felt very...fixed.
Then we're giving a lip-synch that--from
a television standpoint--looked like
a sequence out of Trainspotting.
Never should there be more than two
close-ups in any lip-synch. Give me
a wide shot and let me make my own
determination about how things went
down. The A'keria/Yvie match-up
was better, but not by much.
Then we got Christine from Christine
and the Queens performing a Ru song,
which was a great way to showcase
queens from the past, except when
they brought the queens out, they failed
to introduce any of them with so much
as a banner at the bottom.
Henny, I am a Drag Race superfan,
but if you think I can recognize Jaymes
Mansfield at the drop of a hat, you are
sorely mistaken. Those were the
most stressful four minutes of my life
as I tried desperately to identify each
of the queens, feeling like a 3rd grader
with his multiplication flashcards all
mixed up.
The final Brooke/Yvie face-off was--
Okay, so nothing will ever top
"Sorry Not Sorry," but that being
said--
I was underwhelmed.
There might also be no pleasing me,
because last year, I had had it--officially--
with all the stunts, gymnastics, and ru-veals,
although I will give points to Brooke for
her brilliant pre-veal look.
Yvie turned in an understated yet elegant
yet weird yet very Gaga performance, but
somehow it just...didn't feel like enough.
It felt smart and strategic and made Brooke
Lynn look like she was trying too hard, but
I don't know, I just wanted more overall--
from the entire finale.
And the fact that it's not live means I have
to wait until they upload that video of Yvie
and Brooke Lynn sitting at a club somewhere
watching with the rest of the country to find
out who won, and that drives me INSANE.
Imagine if American Idol, at its peak, had
said 'Now, this is just a tape of Kelly Clarkson
pretending to be excited about theoretically
winning, because we're also going to film
Justin Guarini winning, and then we'll edit it
later to reveal who the real winner is."
Reader, there would have been rioting
in the 2002 streets, because that was all
we had to get mad about back then.
In short (too late), I know there are so
many things required to fix Drag Race,
and if none of them ever happen, I swear
I'll only complain a little, but please, for
the love of Shangela, give us a better
finale.
As Drag Race itself has taught us--
All can be forgiven, provided you
stick the landing.
Comments
Post a Comment