Skip to main content

Adele and Kumail

Back when Adele losing weight was the story of the moment, I started listening to "Staying In with Kumail and Emily."

It's a great podcast about weathering the pandemic, and its hosts are Kumail Nanjiani and Emily V. Gordon, the married power couple behind The Big Sick.

If you listen to the podcast, there's a decent amount of talk about how Kumail had to get in really good shape for his part in The Eternals, the Marvel movie that was supposed to come out this Fall.

Kumail's new physique was unveiled dramatically in an Instagram post and then on the cover of Men's Health, and the reaction was--

Overwhelmingly positive.

Gays were thirty.  Gals were thirsty.  I was thirsty.

There was a lot of thirst.

Put a pin in that, and let's go back to Adele.

When it was revealed that Adele had lost a lot of weight, the Internet immediately did that thing it does when a woman loses a lot of weight.

First it praises her.

Then there's blowback about the praise from women and men who feel that you shouldn't get praise for losing weight, especially if the weight loss happens so quickly that it appears to be unhealthy or driven by external forces like a break-up.

Then there's blowback against the blowback with people being like "Shut up! You don't know why she lost the weight and she looks amazing so just keep your opinions to yourself."

Then the blowback against that blowback enters the arena, and it's something you probably saw your friends post--

Adele looked beautiful before and she looks beautiful now.

And as all that was happening, I thought about Kumail, who I thought was absolutely adorable on Silicon Valley.  Dare I say even--hot?

If you're a guy like me, and you have a lifelong attraction to dorks, Silicon Valley was like Red Shoe Diaries.

All that twitching.
All that code talk.
All those unflattering clothes.

Oof, sweating just thinking about it.

So when Kumail revealed that now he looks like Hugh Jackman circa 1997, there was a part of me that had the same reaction the rest of the Internet had in regards to Adele losing weight.

I mean, this is cool and all, but he looked great before too.

Now I wonder--

Why was I the only one saying that?

I guess you could argue it's because Adele is (sorry Kumail) a bigger star, but I also think it speaks to how we think men think about their bodies versus how women do.

It's sort of this agreed upon theory that women are constantly insecure about how they look and men have unassailable self-esteem that can never be shattered by criticizing their bodies.

Now, is part of this because women are held to a different beauty standard than men?

Totally.

But I remember a few years back when someone posted a creepy comment about a female celebrity on a beach in a bikini and someone else went after them for it, and I made the mistake of saying "Yeah, that's gross.  I see people saying stuff like that about guys all the time."

And I was EVISCERATED.

The original commenter accused me of lying.

Of saying "No, that never happens."

So I started sending them the things I was seeing in my Newsfeed--

Mainly the endless posts from gay publications where men--gay and straight alike--are objectified and criticized.  Usually the photo they use is some unofficial, paparazzi shot of some male movie star or singer walking into their house without a shirt on, and if you take a look at the comments, it's enough to make you wish pre-historic lizards had thought better of crawling up on land.

The commenter I sent those links to, came back with--

"Wow, I had no idea."

They weren't seeing what I was seeing, because they were a woman, and the Facebook algorithm correctly predicts that most women aren't interested in seeing posts from GayViewz.com.

But I was seeing it constantly.

And the affect that it had was a sort of constant barrage on how I look at my own body.

Seeing the unrelenting praise male celebrities like Kumail get for achieving a body type that even he admits would be virtually impossible without unlimited financial resources and hours of free time a day feels like watching someone take a bath in hundred dollar bills while a crowd stands around them and tells them how all that green really makes their skin glow.

It not only makes you feel bad, but it does the opposite of inspire you, because if you can't look as good as he does, why bother exercising at all?

And yet, men aren't allowed to have that discussion.

Please understand, this is not a "Woe is men" post.  I'm a man.  Men are trash.  I'm aware.

But part of male toxicity comes from the part of male-dominated culture that tells us we're not allowed to feel bad about our bodies or that if someone makes fun of how we look, we should laugh about it, because only women are sensitive about things like that.

Seeing Adele's weight loss become a national topic of conversation may make you uncomfortable if you, like me, think that talking about weight at all should just be off-limits.

But since it's not, and since it's clearly never going to be, can we at least open it up to a broader discussion about what Hollywood's beauty standards are doing to women and men?

Why does a Marvel superhero have to have an eight pack anyway?  Why is it that the first thing that happens when a celebrity gets cast in an action tentpole is a six-month training program so they can end up looking like the Hee-man action figure I spent wayyyy too much time playing with as a kid?

As gross as it is to think about the infinite amount of slo-mo shots in movies that feature scantily-clad women, why is there now a rule that every trailer for a Marvel movie has to feature a shirtless man covered in sweat for no reason at all?

And if you're saying to yourself--

Oh Kevin, you've made comments about how hot you find all that.

Yeah, I have.  Guilty.  Guilty as the rest of you.

And you know what?

Maybe those celebrities love having people all over the world drooling over them.  I'm sure I would.

But when did we create a social contract about all of this that was so one-sided?

Where are the people saying--

Kumail looks great now and he looked great before they turned him into a cyborg.

There's no grand discussion being had about whether or not it's actually healthy to get your body in that kind of shape that quickly.  I mean, Jesus, if it was normal, why would it take four hours a day of training just to maintain it?

Reading up on that kind of training, it also sounds fairly addictive, and, not in a good way, because while you might be doing it to feel good, you might also be doing it because you want to take a few more shirtless photos you can post on your Instagram so you can receive comments about how great you look which will, in turn, become the incentive to keep working out long after your movie is finished.

Is that the case with Kumail?

I have no idea.

The same way nobody has any idea if Adele lost weight for the right reasons or wrong reasons or if there even are right or wrong reasons.

But maybe the arguments that seeing someone as high-profile as Adele get accolades for weight loss might have a negative affect on the rest of us don't need to be shut down as much as they need to be expanded.  In that way, we can move beyond singling out one celebrity for their own personal appearance, and talk about why we think this is a topic that only ever needs to center around, and often antagonize, women.

The lack of conversation when a man is the one in question implies that--

Yeah, no, that's correct.  That is how a guy should look.  Giant biceps, big thighs, lean torso, broad shoulders, chiseled jawline, British accent, and can pull off wearing sandals with socks.  Live up to THAT, gentlemen.

And if you're thinking--

Oh well then I'm nailing it, because I openly talk about how much I love guys with real bodies.

Think about that for a second.

Because the flip side of worshiping someone who looks like Zac Efron is proudly fetishisizing someone who looks like Josh Gad, as if someone that makes you special or unique.

It begs the question--

Why is it interesting that you're attracted to who you're attracted to?  Doesn't everyone deserve to have someone be attracted to them separate and apart from how they look?

If this sounds like I'm getting around to sounding like a poster in a third grade classroom beseeching you to love people for who they are, don't worry.  I'm not that kumbaya even on my best day.

This is all just my way of trying to remind you that hardly any of us are devoid of insecurities, and when it comes to being made to feel bad by the media, very few are spared.

I would talk more about how all this affects the gay community specifically, but I've already had two panic attacks this week, and I'm not itching for a third.

Suffice it to say, the next time you see a picture of a male celebrity with no shirt on pop onto your timeline, maybe resist the urge to comment in favor of telling one of your actual friends that they look great in whatever the last photo they posted was.

(Also, my Instagram is @Kevin071984 and my last selfie was a few weeks ago, but I'm sure if you scroll, you can find it.)

Oh, and I highly recommend Kumail and Emily's podcast.

It's definitely something worth talking about.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A List of People Who Can Go to Hell Now That I Can't Have Elizabeth Warren

So today was a rough day for everybody who isn't a @#$%-ing #$%hole. Let's just start there. If that upsets you, by all means, go straight to hell. This entire rant is going to be exactly what it sounds like. I am mad and I am going to exercise my right to BLOG ABOUT IT LIKE IT'S 1995, SO BUCKLE UP, BUTTERCUP. I really don't even know where to start, so let's just jump right in with the first person who comes to mind. Bloomberg, go to hell.  You really didn't have anything specific to do with today, but you can just go to hell for spending an ungodly amount of money on literally nothing.  I mean, you could have lit millions of dollars on fire and at least warmed the hands of the homeless, but instead, you made tv stations across the country that are already owned by Conservatives rich, so kudos to you and go to hell. Amy Klobuchar, I STUCK UP FOR YOU AMY.  I got into FIGHTS on SOCIAL MEDIA while DEFENDING your sorry, self-interested ass.  You know

Theater and the Outbreak

After last week's interview, a representative from a theater that recently experienced the results of opening too soon reached out to speak with me. I want to thank this person for coming forward in the hopes that it'll change some minds about what's safe and what isn't when it comes to the performing arts. Here's the interview: ME:  So this wasn't a full production or-- THEM:  No. It was us trying to do a little something for friends and donors. ME:  Who is 'us?' THEM:  The board of _____. ME:  And how long have you been on the board? THEM:  Three years. ME:  What was this going to be? THEM:  There's a, uh, beautiful park here in town, and we wanted to do an outdoor performance of a Shakespeare as a benefit, because, as you know, theaters are having a hard time right now paying the bills. We checked with the local government and the health department for the state to make sure we were doing everything the way we needed to in order to keep everyone s

People You Know Are More Important Than People You Don't Know

This post is in response to arguing with people--straight and gay alike--about a certain celebrity, whether or not she's an ally, if she's pandering, if pandering matters, and whether or not I'm an asshole. The last part is probably an enthusiastic "Yes" but let's reflect on this for a bit anyway without actually giving more time to an argument about a person none of us know, which is a crucial part of what I want to talk about. People you know are more important than people you don't know. I realize it's tricky in an age where we've never been closer or more engaged to our celebrities to keep in mind that we do not know them, they are not our friends, and while we may love them and stan and feel like we're attacked when they're attacked-- That is not true. That is not real. They are in no tangible way connected to us. Now, as someone who is obsessed with pop culture, I get that it's a little hypocritical for me to be making