When HBO Max announced that the entire Warner Bros. slate for 2021 would be released day-and-date both in theaters and on the app, audiences rejoiced, and Christopher Nolan did what he does best--
Wrote a whiney thinkpiece assuming the mantle of cinema savior.
Before I begin, let me preface this by saying Memento is one of my favorite movies, I think Inception is even better, and I will give Nolan his flowers when it comes to looking at superhero movies in a way that is both ground-breaking and gave us the Snyder version of grit that has effectively sucked the joy out of every DC property, but oh well.
All that aside--Interstellar was meh at best, Dunkirk was wildly overrated, and his latest film, Tenet, is--and I'm putting his mildly--totally unwatchable.
This is coming from someone who actually slapped on a mask and braved the real-life movie theater to see it so that I could experience it the way Nolan intended.
Guess what?
Even as intended, it still sucked.
I have maybe walked out of three moves in my lifetime, and when I realized there were only twenty minutes left and it wasn't getting any better, I hightailed it out of there before Kenneth Branagh could assail me with that horrific accent he was doing in it.
Nolan isn't actually going to be impacted by the HBO Max rollout, but he's still plenty mad about it, because whereas releasing Trolls: World Tour and Mulan On Demand were unexpected success stories, hsi insistence on releasing Tenet in movie theaters resulted in his film losing a ton of money.
In other words, the pretentious prick refuses to adapt to a once-in-a-lifetime (we hope) pandemic, and suffers major career failure as a result.
But before we go any further, let's get something crystal clear--
The movie is terrible.
I'm not saying it would have made money regardless, but I can't imagine that the poor quality of the movie helped any.
If you really want people to take a risk in the middle of a pandemic and go see a film in theaters, it better be a really, really good film.
Tenet is not.
And on top of it not being good (because, let's face it, Trolls: World Tour isn't exactly The Godfather), it's also the wrong film for right now. It's confusing, it's bleary, it's cynical, and it has no concern at all for audience experience.
So it's no surprise that Nolan isn't advocating now on behalf on audiences, but on behalf of filmmakers. He doesn't care about things like accessibility or public safety. He just wants to be that asshole in the back of film class saying that if you haven't see the Director's Cut of The Last Temptation of Christ, you don't really get it.
Nolan is part of a bigger problem Hollywood has on its hands that has been brewing for awhile.
Movies have been allowed to get insanely expensive, which translates into ticket prices rising higher, and at the same time, audiences are becoming consumers. They're getting smarter, they're doing their homework, and all the things you used to be able to do to guarantee that a movie would make money in spite of whether or not it was, you know, good, just aren't working the way they used to.
That means if you're going to spend half a billion dollars on a movie, at least a million of it needs to be spent on luxuries like--spitballing here--a decent script? Good actors? A film that's as good as its trailer?
You can see why studios are mad.
They now have to do actual work.
But why would filmmakers be mad?
Because the school Nolan comes from--the Tarrantino/Scorsese/Coppola testosterone bullshit boys club--wears their disinterest in the audiences that love their films as a badge of honor. That's not to say they don't make good films, but first and foremost, they're making films for them.
And I think it's safe to say Tarrantino is not sitting at home watching movies on a flatscreen like the rest of us. The man has a movie theater attached to his house. I wouldn't be surprised if the ceiling above his bed opens up to reveal an IMAX experience.
None of them want to be bothered to think about how well their films play on smaller screens, even though most film buffs fall in love with films, not at the movies, but at home, watching on their television.
I have only seen a handful of my favorite movies in an actual movie theater, because I wasn't alive when most of them came out. If they didn't hold up watching them at home, I never would have developed an interest in them, and in film in general.
Believe me, I get that Nolan wants to force people into theaters so we can have the full experience. I truly think most audiences want that to. I don't want to watch Godzilla vs. King Kong at home. I totally understand that that movie is going to have about as much value as carnival cotton candy, and in this analogy, the carnival is the movie theater. You can enjoy some truly epic fluff provided you're surrounded by total strangers, eating twelve dollar popcorn, and nowhere near a sink full of dirty dishes or a cell phone charger.
The problem is, not everyone can afford to shell out that kind of money more than a few times a year, and if you're a filmmaker, or an actor, or anybody working in a creative field, isn't your primary goal to have people see your work?
There are films scheduled to come out next year that I will absolutely not be watching at home. I fully intend to see In the Heights in theaters, and if I have to wear a hazmat suit to do it, so be it.
But yeah, I'm cool with checking out Dune at home. That way I can have my laptop ready to Wikipedia what it is the hell I'm watching as I'm watching it.
I do not, however, believe this is going to change movie-going forever. VCR's and DVD's and streaming services didn't kill movie theaters, and I doubt this will either.
What's more likely is that movie theaters are going to have to step their game up. They're going to have to make going to the movies a way better experience. And I get that it's very hard to make money running a movie theater these days, but the Alama Drafthouse business model is sitting RIGHT THERE and there's no reason they can't either expand their franchise or (whispers) other theaters can't just outright steal it.
It's not a patent; it's customer service. Come on, folks.
But Nolan knows better than anyone where we're at. He's an insider. He gets that if Warner Bros. did what he's asking and refused to let these movies play On Demand until after a sizable window, that would not only mean forfeiting a ton of money, but it would mean encouraging people to go see movies in person during what is sure to be a worsening pandemic--and for what?
So you can get the full exposure of Nolan's genius?
Give me a break.
The applause heard round the country when HBO Max announced this news versus the groans and grumbling from Hollywood shows that the disconnect between the creators and the customers has only gotten wider over the past year, despite celebrities assuring us that they can by singing "Let It Be" while their underbutlers serve them grapes.
Nolan, you gotta read the room.
And while you're at it--
Go watch Memento. A smart-yet-enjoyable, well-written, highly-conceptual-yet-easy-to-follow, thriller that I never saw in theaters but have loved forever from the comfort of my living room.
Like Bruce Wayne, I think you need to remember who you are.
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