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American Idol: Ain't Goin' Down

-- This week Kara and Randy pissed me off.  Randy hates country music because white people sing it, and as I've stated time and again, he's the most racist man in America.  The reason Kara gets on my bad list this week as well is because she and Randy seem determined to make people sing the same songs over and over again just to hear some money notes.  Money notes are terrific, but they're most often found in ballads, and if you make people sing nothing but ballads, the show goes from dull to boring to 'What's on CBS?'  I hated most of the advice they gave this week, but I actually liked most of the performances. --

From worst to best, here we go.

Megan Joy - I don't care that she had the flu--what the fuck was that?  It sounded like "Alf Does Patsy Cline."  Yes, she's quirky, but quirky ain't going to make records fly off the shelves, sweetheart.  Why don't you just try singing?  (In case you didn't read my recaps last year, you should know I have no tolerance for people who get sick on American Idol.  If your only job in the world is to sing and keep yourself healthy, and you fail at half that job, then you get no sympathy from me.)

Adam Lambert - Dear God, how the mighty have fallen.  He and Megan came down from the spaceship this week and tried unsuccessfully to burn down the Grand Ole Opry.  I realize that country isn't his thing, but being a former Broadway boy, he should have been able to pull something out that wasn't a sitar-induced-nightmare.  I recognize that he wants to be looked at as a rocker boy, but glam rock and country aren't that far apart.

Scott MacIntyre - It was bleh.  Just bleh.  I have a feeling he's going to be bleh until he gets kicked off.  I wish the judges would ask themselves one question before they put people through to the semi-finals--"Can they get dirty?"  He's going to keep singing sweet, little sad inspirational songs until people get sick of hearing them.  I'm sick of them now--can we get rid of him?  Please?

Allison Iraheta - Here comes One-Note Allison all over again.  I actually liked the song choice, and I like that she had fun with it.  They were spot-on when they said she's precocious, however, I don't find that to be a good thing--not in Drew Barrymore, not in Elle Fanning, and certainly not in you Miss Iraheta.  Maybe I'm being too hard on her, but I'm just over the whole rocker chick thing--at least as far as she's concerned.

Danny Gokey - Okay, I didn't like the song choice.  I hate "Jesus Take the Wheel."  I hate any song with the words "Jesus" and "Wheel" in them.  That being said, he didn't do an awful job with it.  It just didn't allow his personality to shine through as much.  It was like he was trapped in the sentimentality of it.  Fun, remember?  Kevin and America just want to have fun!

Michael Sarver - I'm putting Michael in this spot because he took the advice I just gave Danny and had a blast.  Was there any singing involved?  No.  Did anybody care?  Not at all.  We know he can sing, so why can't he show that he could rock a concert?  Do you hear that Kara and Randy?  Once they've proven they can sing in, oh, I don't know, Week 1!, then let them have fun.  We don't want to get blasted with power ballads every damn week.  I loved the harmonica player onstage with him.  I loved his energy.  I downright loved it all, even if he is a crazy Christian.  Good for him for loosening up.

Alexis Grace - I have to hand it to her--and give the backhand to the judges--she didn't take the easy way out and do Carrie Underwood (the boys all chose that route, for some odd reason).  I liked her rendition of "Jolene."  It wasn't perfect, but it definitely showed a different side of her.  She actively made her voice suit the genre, and is it just me, or were there moments where she was downright channeling Miss Dolly with that look?

Matt Giraud - At this point, I would say, if the lead singer of The Fray died, Matt Giraud could probably step in and nobody would notice.  He's getting it right where Scott is getting it wrong.  It's the piano, it's the vocals, but then it's that extra bit of contemporary sound that makes him sound interesting and Scott sound like an old Donny Osmond album.  I agree with Simon as well, his vocals don't seem to get enough credit.

Kris Allen - I thought he did a great job with the song, and I think he did really well considering he let the guitar sit this one out.  Remember what happened last year when Brooke stepped away from her piano?  Choo choo--CRASH.  He did seem to be pushing a little hard at points.  I think everyone is terrified of just singing a sweet song sweetly because then Tweedle Randy and Tweedle Kara will ridicule them for it.  He's still the most commercial guy in the competition, and I mean that in the best way possible.

Lil Rounds - If she had trotted out "I Will Always Love You," I would have ripped her apart.  So shut up, Randy.  I thought she did a fantastic job with the song.  She took a real live country song (and didn't cheat by picking one that crossed over into pop) and made it something that sounded very natural for her.  I loved everything about it, and I loved that she cut back on all that extra nonsense that she did last week.  I'd buy that version in a second.

Anoop Desai - From worst to best in one week--see?  I told you he was still my favorite.  The reason I'm giving him best performance of the night, aside from the fact that the vocals were the best of the night, was that he had this intense connection the entire time he was singing that just floored me.  He took a song that wouldn't seem to suit him at all (but really, what songs would suit him?) and nailed it.  Bravo.

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